On falling off the (body positive) wagon

Sometimes I think to myself, if I was just a size 12 it would be better. Better for who? What would be better about my life if I wore a smaller size?? Would I be happier if I could wear Lululemon yoga pants (their biggest size is 12). No. Absolutely not.

I NEVER shop anymore. I was chatting with a friend the other day about how we never go shopping anymore, we just buy stuff online. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve accepted my body because I don’t go shopping very often.

So, the other day I hit the mall. I walked through the store filling my arms with things I liked and eventually made my way to the dressing room. First I felt victory. I found a pair of chambray shorts that fit and were super comfortable. Since I was already sans pants, I moved on to the jeans. Shopping for jeans has always been loaded with emotions. I usually end up crying for any number of reasons. This was no different (also, please, when are skinny jeans going away?). I zipped up the first pair to see one side of my belly bulge out of the jeans (my belly is not symmetrical). I had just watched a great video about wearing what feels good instead of what looks good and I tried to apply that logic here but I just couldn’t. My heart sank. It really hurt to look in the mirror and not like what I see.

I’m sharing this because I want you all to know that you don’t have to love your body every day. Even those of us that think we have it figured out lose control sometimes.

How did I break out of this slump? I went to yoga, of course! All I needed was to stop, take a few deep breaths, and thank my body for what it is capable of instead of what it doesn’t do.

You are strong, capable, beautiful, and perfect. You are enough.