A lot of questions and no answers

I was chatting with a friend the other day and all of this just spilled out of me. For the most part, it’s unedited. I’m not 100% sure what it means, or where I was headed, but I thought it was worth sharing because I have a feeling I’m not the only one that asks these questions.

---

Yoga brings up a lot of feelings and emotions. It can also help us deal with them when they come up. There was a time a few months ago when I would come into Childs Pose, close my eyes, and I felt off-kilter. I knew where my body was on my mat, but when I closed my eyes everything felt backwards (like my legs where my arms where and my body was crooked. Really weird). It’s hard to describe. After two weeks I couldn’t handle these feelings anymore. So, I used yoga to get rid of it. I came to my mat ready to get rid of some serious shit. My intention for my practice was “Let that shit go”. No joke. Inhale new, exhale all that junk. I’ve never turned so inward. I took the fullest expression of every posture I could, really pushing myself to me edge. Every breath I took was the deepest breath I could take in. With every exhale I imagined sending the negative/bad/weird go. I envisioned it leaving my body (there were a lot of things). It was the first and only time I have been able to do that – turn so deeply inward and really let go.

There’s also this delicate balance of letting yourself feel your emotions versus when you use your breath/yoga to send them away. I struggle with this all the time. Do I feel the anger/sadness/frustration/whatever? Or do I take a few deep breaths and send it away? If I do both, how long do I have to linger there feeling horrible? I still don’t know.

I do know that things come and go in life - friends, relationships, family, dreams, feelings. Right know I’m trying to figure out what’s worth keeping and what do I need to let go? How can I learn from what I’m holding on to and let go of what I don’t need anymore? How do I prevent myself from stuffing it down further and let it all come out? Who knows.

Here’s to having a good, old-fashioned, savasana cry and moving on (sometimes it really is that easy).