On fighting impostor syndrome

For a yoga teacher, I fall a lot. Take, for example, 5 minutes ago when I was walking my dogs. Between them wrapping their leashes around me while I stepped in a hole in the yard, it was a recipe for disaster, and I tumbled onto the sidewalk. Skinning your knee still hurts when you’re an adult, by the way.

You’d think I’d have enough balance and stability to keep from falling as often as I do.

I don’t.

It’s moments like right now that I feel like a fraud. I can’t even take my dogs for a walk. How in the hell can I be a yoga teacher?

Which lead to:

I fell out of crow in front of my students tonight.

I didn’t do all the chaturangas in yoga class the other day.

I can’t really do yoga.

Why am I teaching yoga?

Who would listen to a yoga teacher that can’t do yoga?

Who would want to listen to a fat yoga teacher that can’t do yoga?

I’m a fraud.

I should quit.

I know all of that is crazy, but sometimes I stand in front of my students and think, I can’t believe they’re buying this. What in the hell am I doing with my life? I’m a freaking yoga teacher now?! This is not the real me.

Yes. This is my life now. No job has ever brought me as much joy as teaching yoga. Nothing can turn a horrible day into an amazing day like teaching yoga. Yoga isn’t about the headstands. It’s not about holding a pose. It’s about what you learn when you fall. It’s about what you learn when you fail. It’s about having a bad day and being able to turn inward, take a few breaths, and open your eyes renewed, with a new outlook. There are definitely yoga teachers out there that don’t see it that way.

I'm not a fraud. I'm a yoga teacher.

I’ll leave you with this:

The yoga pose is not the goal.

Becoming flexible is not the goal. Standing on your hands is not the goal.

The goal is to create space where you were once stuck. To unveil the layers of protection you’ve built around your heart. To appreciate your body and become aware of the mind and the noise it creates. To make peace with who you are.

The goal is to love, well… You.

Come to your yoga mat to feel; not to accomplish.

Shift your focus and your heart will grow.

- Rachel Brathen